2009, be gone with you.

I am leaving self doubt in 2009.
Boys- It's not the rejection of the individual, its the doubt they place in yourself.
Am I not interesting, skinny, docile, etc. It's just like getting rejected from a job. You might not have really wanted the job, it was a bit far away, not enough money,
but hey, fuck you, I could have done an amazing job of it. Maybe.

So this self doubt needs to go away. When I doubt myself it all just crumbles down.
So I need a plan to get me the opposite of doubt.
Self believe?
Hearing people say you're talented you're this etc only helps somewhat.
This year I have doubted myself more than ever.
Socially retarded, incompetent, lazy, untalented, unemployable, not girlfriend material, bad daughter/friend/employee/ group member, what ever.
Does this matter? No.
Lets leave this self doubt in 2009.

2009- Friendships Defined.

So 2009 has been a pretty average year.
And I am one of many that has felt that way.
I've been down, and sailed some rough seas.
But to draw out the positives, I've has some company to battle those seas.
To those that listened to my whinging this year, I thank you.
I truly believe that you're nothing if no-one cares about you, you guys make me feel like someone
.

Rough Seas Ahead

I’m calling all my oldest friends,
Saying sorry for this mess we’re in.
And I’m waiting, waiting,
For the sun to come and melt this snow,
Wash away the pain and give me back control, control.

Winter- Bayside.
Although I declared the winter of my discontent to be over, rough seas are forecast ahead. So I need to call my friends and explain this mess I'm in. eloiseland isn't so sunny right now, come in, plant some flowers in the garden, and I'll be sure to water your plants when you're on holiday. Aka- things aren't 100% right now, please help, but I'll be sure to return the favour.

I haven't yet decided how I am going to deal with My sister being sick again, last time I was 16. Punk rock? Exercise? Hell, I'm even considering religion. I need distraction and support. Time to toughen up.

A book told me I had to write my feelings down.

So here I am after said book said it would be a good idea.
I'm not sure where to start.
I have been assigned at week long break from work, and also advised not to drink.
Great.
Seeing as most of this blog is mostly about boys, and I started this blog as I had no-one to talk to, I shall continue with the trend.
I was discussing how most the boys I'd met, were boys from the same scene from the same clubs, but all making impact on my life.
I think people come to your life for a reason, and you have a lesson to be learnt from them. And sometimes that lesson is not always a good one.

We'll start with Benny. You taught me that sometimes, you are just too young for someone, and the lessons they have learnt cannot be undone, no matter how much you want them to.

Then L. I wasn't in love with you, even though you thought I was. Adam summed it up well. 'Sometimes, some people, just don't like some people'. No matter how many jager bombs you buy me I'll hopefully never reneg. Lesson learnt- Some people are just not into you!

N. We weren't ever anything, but you inspired me to look for a mental match in life, even if that means weirdos like us. Please keep spreading your infectious energy and passion for punk rock. Lesson learnt- Be yourself.

Next we'll go with S. Ahhh such impact you had on my life. I liked you, I really did, but I knew it wasn't meant to be. Thanks for apoligising for ruining my life, you broke my little heart and it took a while to get over. You took my youthful innocence and I've never got it back. Lesson learnt- Don't go out with someone that doesn't make you feel yourself.

L. You liked me even though I thought I was a piece of shit at the time. I'm sorry we were shit to each other, it could have been good. Lesson learnt- Some things will remain unresolved.

R. I'm not sure if I still dislike you, but please don't convince a girl they are your soulmate and then ignore them ever again. Don't fake it. Lesson learnt- Don't go out with someone when you are not over the last guy, you will be blind to reality.

A. Quite the rare bird. I am really not sure what lesson you are, good or bad . We'll see in time.

Ok that blog was really not what I am feeling right now, but hey, it killed some time. I'm not sure anyone reads this anyway.
Peace.

Your life's a crime scene, and it won't help to blame me...

So I thought I'd start a blog post with a Bayside quote, seeing as when I lose my shit I feel like my life is a bit of a crime scene.

I have learnt FARRRRRRRRRrr too many lessons this year, I am just about done, let the good times roll, please?

-Don't study a highly specialised field and expect a graduate job.
-Don't rely on others.
-Don't go into business with friends.
-Don't forget to put oil and water in your car.
-Don't expect all friendships to stay the same. Things change.
-Don't be impatient with boys, and expect too much too soon.
-Don't put your iPhone in a small pocket than go to the toilet.
-Don't stalk boys ex girl friends facebooks, they may write nasty comments, but you can't retaliate due to being a lurker in the first place.
-Don't drink more than 2 glasses on wine in one sitting. It makes you spew.
-Don't wear your Melissa's for all of the night.
-Don't forget to put your wallet ACTUALLY in your bag.

Far to much learning, now to get on with living.

September.

Oh Gosh, its September, 2/3rds of the year is already over?
What the fuck am I doing??
I am about to fall into a big hole, someone stop me please.
There are bright lights on the horizon, I just can't see them right now.

Boys boys boys.

They Suck.
I also suck, for wasting time chasing one that is not into me.
Someone put me out of my Misery!

Life on a Plate

So I can't say really much has happened lately.
There was an article today about a someone who sued their uni as they were yet to land a grad job.
The girl sounded like she was waiting for the world to come to her on a platter, but shit, wouldn't I like to give RMIT a piece for their false expectations?


The grad job thing is the biggest thing on my mind right now.
Need to stop worrying about silly boys, ( Albeit a boy that doesn't know the difference between Dallas Green and Anthony Green, interestingly enough).
Back on the fitness Health kick, I finaly want to do something about it. Little disgruntled about the Doctor that told me "there was no reason for a 24 year old to weigh that much', but who do you take someone who recommends diet shakes seriously?
I need to keep on pushing, with everything, take on new projects and hobbies, courses, and just figure where the hell I am meant to throw myself.
Production Assistant for some generic chain that rips off an O/s generic chain really just isn't that inticing.

Most biggest shakeup was moving stores at work. Got FT hours, little gibbed on the exact role, but hey, its not all bad. Dandy is full of good kids, didn;t realise I disliked Narre as much as I did, just made me feel really shit at life and stole my confidence.

It's funny how so many little things can affect my mood, but generally I am pretty happy at the moment. I need to harness this positive energy. And know that life does not come to you on a plate.

June Update 09

So its been a while, having felt like blogging, but need to capture my mood in text today. I am sick, I am tired, and feel like I have learnt many lessons.
I went into the market venture as a learning experience, learnt much I did, I wish that I didn't feel so burned in terms of friendship, but hey, you live you learn right??
Just finished Scar Tissue, RHCP seem so much more meaningfull now. So lets steal Anthony Kiedis' words and say, "I don't ever want to feel, like I did that day'
With regards to saturday, I was a broken woman, more stressfull than uni and I don't ever want to be at that point ever again in my life. If it wasn't for my mum I think I be curled up in a fetal position right now. Friends are friends, don't get involved in group work, for that I have learnt. But that feeling, I can't feel again. I was telling my friend this, and he found this interesting as I must have been putting the pressure on myself, not uni/lecturer pressure. Which maybe means I need to chill the fuck out, or hang out with people that are alot more chilled than I. It makes me re-think my career choices, the fashion industry, and brings me back to questioning where I am going in life, and I hate feeling directionless. When people say, what do you look for in a partner, with the obvious answers being something like, "Handsome", 'Funny", "Connection' blah blah I always think a sense of ambition and passion for what they do. Which is a little hypocritical right now.

But hey, enough of the whinging, I need to be a like a phoenix, rise from the ashes so to speak. Thanks for everyone who has helped me along so far, I need to be more of a giver and less of a taker. I also need to clean up my room is the messiest it has ever been. That's it for now. Peace.

Job Hunting

So as it is, I am without a (Grad) job, and and without a boyfriend, though the later doesn't sadden me, finding prospects is very similiar.
It's been done before, but hey, he's my attack.

At first, you present your good side.
You want to look enthusiastic, but not desperate.
You want to look qualified, but not over-experienced.
You don't want to get your hopes up, so you play it cool. You are deeply crushed when things don't work out.
Post courtship, you settle into a pattern.
You make an effort with you appearance, get some new snazzy outfits, when its still new.
You quash your bad habits.
But eventually, one or the other gets tired of the other.
You start looking for better offers, scoping whats out there.
You sneak behind each others backs.
You start giving lackluster performances.
It ends, friends get involved and are forced to take sides. Belongings are returned, and we promise to keep in touch, but will we?

Then we begin this process all over again.

Yep it's been done. Things are a little depressing on the job hunt front.
Keep on Truckin'!

Soundwave Parts B-D

Ok so Soundwave was a month ago, but I'll bring you up to speed.

I wake up in Brisbane with a might hangover, Ok so I might be a bit drunk.
Go to that Mall that is all the go and have a sit down. An hour might have past I couldn't tell you.
I finally get up, and decide to check out whats beyond this giant river surrounding the town. BIG Bridge later I discover Southbank, which houses alot of Tourists/Museums and Uni's. ( Oh I Brisbane buildings are rad, very colonial.)

Go check out the Feach ( Fake/ Faux Beach- A term I picked up from my American kids), who builds a fake beach with real sand I do not know.
Go check out the Gallery of Modern Art, was too hungover in the feach to give this much time or See the classic art gallery. This sucks balls as GoMA was actually amazing. Such a good modern art space, nothing like Acca in Melbs, the average punter could get the art here. And had some cool people showing, like Del Kathryn Barton and Patricia Piccinnini. Rad. And they had signs for kids, and kids eye level, that explained the art in kids terms. My hungover brain finds these more helpfull. Also must note that there's a contemporary aborignal section, not dot paintings but actual contemporary art, made by people of Aboriginal decent. Take note again Victoria!

So I get off to the hostel, and bid Brisbane farewell. It's around this time that epic hangover just turns into general tiredness. WAHH!!!

PART C
Go see Bayside Sideshow.
Was a decent night. Went with my Jagoe sibling buddies and their love for Andrew McMahon was infectious. Bayside only played five songs, but that included Duality and a NOFX cover, always good times with these guys.
Jacks Mannequin = Really good, and we were mega close. FTSK got the crowd going. Red jumpsuit were ok, NFG were in the crowd.
Left mid set to get sleep for the next big day, see Jordan from New Found Glory (surrounded by groupies/skanks) and say hi and I'll see you tomorrow, like we are mates from way back. Jordan gives me the thumbs up.
I nearly died!!!

Part D

Online shopping

Before I update my soundwave rambles, just thought I'd share an experience.
I recently bought a necklace with a REALLY rude pendant, and got it in the wrong colour. Not a massive drama, but here is said correspondance.


waa...woops sorry i post 2 out that day i must mixed it up. sorry.
1)you can post it back and i'll swap it over and post it back.
2)paint it white
3)leave it red and imagine its white!.
4)do none and roll with the red one.its up to you

I was less annoyed after reading this. What a funny guy!
When I finally got the write colour, the dude informed me he got demoted from Employee of the month. It's nice to know there's quirky folk out there!

Sound Week. Part A- Brisbane

Where do I start.
Brisbane was fucking rad. I will try to give a run-down.

Friday- Leave the house with plenty of time to spare, decide that yes I do need new outfit for Bris-vegas soundwave. Stop in and get the Schwipe dress, just make check in.. Whoops. Didn't have my own camera.. Sigh.

Land in Brisbane. Eff me it's hot! Like Rockhampton all over again, but this time, no weird stares from country bumpkins, just one BIG airport. It's raining, sigh.
Take the airtrain to the city, Queensland is looking rather lush compared to grassy Victoria. Applaud airtrain, gets me there in no time.

Find my hostel, is DIRECTLY opposite the train station. Isn't as dingy as I imagined, it was acutally kinda cool. Find my floor, cbf with the old lift and decide to walk four floors. Bad Choice. 20 mins until NFG signing, power get ready.
Meet the New Found Glory boys, turn into a bit of an overexcited fan and say nothing much. Cyrus was definately the most friend, Ian was not, who would have thought??

Come back, check out what Bris-Vegas has to offer. This town is definately cool, see some trendy shops, don't have money so I just look. Get some shitty pasta and venture to the hostel bar. Down some local beer ( You Queenslanders and your big beers), meet some Irish Randoms who had a creepy friend. I get home and sleep.

SATURDAY.
Simone rolls in in no time, show her the room and we go for Breakfast, good old Maccas. See a douche in a woven short sleeve shirt in a hideous print and sidewards hat, Simone and I both note, This guy looks like a wanker. (Take note for later).
Go home to hostel to get pretty. Eloise hogs Mirror and Simone laughs about how I haven't changed.
Start to go to festival, on the bus, traffic is a bitch, should have just walked. Find out LTJ might not play, dang. Line is about 3 km long. I swear. But we get in in no time at all, the whole thing is really organised. Top work Brisbane!

Check the last of Mike Herrera's set, he busts out Chick Magnet. This pattern of hearing the hit song carries on throughout the day. We head to the booze area, are a little distraught to find out that everything is Mid Strength. Eloise gets on the XXXX gold. When in Rome, do as the Romans do... Continue drinking, Saves the Day come on and bust out At Your Funeral. I have been flogging this song of late and get pretty excited. Leave Simone to see LTJ, which due to flight delays did not play. Dang.

Catch the end of Saves the Day, part ways again, Catch Goldfinger playing Superman and end with 99 Red Balloons. It fucking rocked and the crowd, including I was loving it and to top it off they play an outro to march out to. So cool! I meandered of over to stage 6, which was in a full garden, I swear, felt like a Mid Summers nights dream or something similar. Half an hour later Jack's Mannequin starts, crowd swoons over Andrew. I only just got one of his albums, but hey, this guy is decent, and gets the crowd going straight away.

I leave mid set, while looking for Simone check out Forever the Sickest kids. I know realise the wanker from Macca's is the lead singer. LOL massively, and find Simone. LTJ did not do a signing. This is a bit piss poor, but I love them so all is forgiven. See the last of Silversteins set, Shane has gotten MUCH better vocally, nice work my Canadian friends. We then headed back to the main stage.

At this point its getting pretty full, Brisbane does a good festival. I found the peeps a whole lot more laid back, not so cliqey/sceney, everyone just wants to have a good time. We sit down to watch Anberlin from the Grandstands, tres tired feet, discuss the higher bogan ratio in Brisbane V. Melbourne. We also notice lots of Tattoos, and lots of ways to show them off. (I'm talking about you backless Tshirt guy).

Bump into some Fellow Victorians, then go see Hellogoodbye. I've always considered them a novelty act, but after this I can think anything but. These guys are actually really good musicians, who put on a great show. We declare them festival highlight so far.
I can't remember what happened/ I didn;t take pictures to jog my memory for the next two hours, but it did involve Funeral for Friend, dinner, and seeing the lovely Shane and Steph. Man Shane, you are everywhere.

Simone and I part ways again, she decides New Found Glory and I Say Anything. Tough, but hey, I've got Melbourne next week coming. Most ancious wait for a band in a long time, you can feel the tension in the air, it's their first EVER Australian performance. The band starts with Alive with the Glory of Love, the crowd knows all the words. I can't put into words how good they were, I haven't had a live music experience like that in a long time, it was just beyond works. They fucking killed it.

Find Simone, seeing Emery. I don't bother, they sucked when I saw them support Motion City Soundtrack at the Hi Fi. This possibly offends her. I go get some Nin/ Beer action and meet up with a high school friend. Random! Simone and I meet up again for Bayside. She's not to into them but I am gluuuuuuued to Anthony Raneri.

The boys play a good set, its just surreal hearing Anthony's voice again, its been about 18 months since I last saw them. New stuff goes off live. W
The festival ends and we trot on off home, making it back to the hostel by 10:40, I shit you not. Brisnbane is organised !

We are stuffed by this stage, but I am determined to party, how often does one fly interstate? Wash off the dirty festival smell, attempt to get pretty but I put on too much make up and am bordering on looking like a hooker. But hey, its not my town right?? After some pre drinks at the Hostel Bar, We got to the Brisvegas version of Next ( The said club where our friendship was cemented). The club has a really cool vibe, much more friendly, Yeah for Brisbane. Apparently its packed due to Soundwave, also I note for a punk club, it did not play said music genre. This doesn't bother me too much as I don't get out much these days, and a night out is a night out. I drink FAR too many of these large Qld beers and get home at 4am. Simones flight leaves at 7 so she omits sleep.

TO BE CONTINUED>>>

Limbo Land...

So now we're graduates in Limbo Land as Rach puts it. We were don't know whats going to happen next...
My week in summary-
FRIENDS
Caught up with my friends, twice this week and it was rather pleasant. We all understand the fashion life.
Which brings me to my next topic

FASHION.
Fuck I love it. This last month has just confirmed my love, I don't know why I doubted it and am OH SO greatfull I did 4th year. I am more interested more than ever in whats happening in Fashion Land, and Shock horror, one day I might have a budget for clothes that extends beyond the fountaingate.
(Special thanks for Lex for getting us into the LMFF Launch)

MELBOURNE.
Oh how I've missed you! This town inspires me to no end, I mean Sydneys cool and all, but Melbourne just makes me want to be creative. And the Rosalie Gascoigne exhibition @ NGV, and Remaking Fashion @ NGV international were both tops.
After 4 years of study I can say I actually understand with titles on the Pieces mean (Well, the textiles wing at least) and I was sort of imagining how I would explain it if I had to. (Yes, still want to be a teacher one day)
href="http://www.ngv.vic.gov.au/remakingfashion/">


And Gascoigne, what can I say, I felt it, the movement within the pieces, and the simple titles made so much sense.
http://www.ngv.vic.gov.au/rosaliegascoigne/index.html




Thats about it, Job front is looking promising, wish me luck!

Feb.

So Feb is going ok so far.
I bought the rude necklace, only to recieve the wrong colour.
I need some balls to wear it though.
No luck on the job front.
Fires seemed to have sucked the life out of Victoria, its really shit, I hope we all donate lots of money.
And tomorrow I get to go to the LMFF launch, thanks to the lovely Lex and her mad PR Skillz.

Jan u Already??

So the month is nearly over. I haven't really achieved much, except further refining my lifestyle as a lady of leisure.
Apart from the Parental judgement and lack of money, working Part time is ok.
I am really looking forward to next month, and my sound week, rad bands, new town to explore and hanging out with Simone.
I'm also looking forward to a new job. I had the worst weekend at work, girls can be such bitches, and I think I am missing a gene in dealing with that.
So next month, more exercise, clothes making, cleaning up and catching up.

I want..

No... I need.