10 best presents

I recently found a letter from my BFF stating that the gift I gave her that year was 'in the top 10 presents she'd ever received'.

So here are mine in no particular order.

My Sony Walkman. I was 10, and I pretty much shit bricks when I opened it. All time fave present.

Some Gingham flats an ex boyfriend brought me. Yes not a big gift, but he spotted them all on his own, and at the time I often wondered did he actually understood me at all. Briefly after I put on those shoes, I thought he did.

Handmade gift number one. Cat.
Nothing says love like handmade. I got this for my 21st and carried it around at uni the next day.

Handmade gift number two. Photo frame.
Given to me by a girl I'm not too close to, but I just thought what a rad idea. Yet again handmade stuff rules.

Handmade gift number three. Book.
Also made lovingly for my 21st by the ULTRA talented Nat Martin, a fellow design grad of mine. Hand bound people!

Bad Day

Someone once said to me, 'They say suicide is a cry for help, for me, its a cry that there is no help'.
This thought keeps swirling round today, as a family friend loses her partner, and a teenage idol of mine, Alexander McQueen took his own life.
Both Men were loved and gave so much to their community, they weren't the quiet types that no-one knew about. If they can't make it, it doesn't give inspiration to us mere mortals. I don't think I could handle losing someone to suicide. Even a nightmare I had once about an ex-boyfriend dying made me cry in my sleep and it wasn't even real.

R.i.p 'Lee' McQueen, Warren, and my thoughts are with you Emanuel.

"Today is the first day of the rest your life"

"Today is the first day of the rest your life"
So to start with an quote of the WONDERFUL American Beauty.
I'm ready to start the year now, ready for new beginnings.
2010 (apart from the bad start and epic hangover of this weekend) is going along swimmingly. My good mate just had a baby, I am a bridesmaid to one of my oldest and dearest friends, new courses and careers on the horizons, and my friends are pretty much the raddest people I know. I love knowing someone so long, no matter what shit yo pull, you still love each other. Those things, combined with the epic bands coming out in the next few months are the makings of a good year.
So yes tomorrow it begins.
Health. No more feeling out of control, sick all the time.
Do all I can to better my mental health.
Gain new knowledge. Short Course ?
Push new oppurtunties at work.
Try and not be a grub.
Learn how to cook.
Make more clothes.
Blog in my design blog.
Seek new opportunities.
Do more for my family.
Be more responsible with money. And my belongings.
See new me in the Future!

You can take the girl out of King St

Ok So I don't feel so bad about my horrendous start to the year anymore.
I told my friends, and while it was rather crazy town of me, they all thought it was warranted. (Albeit not planned!)

I just really would like a certain someone to fuck off out of my life. That's what I should of said, not become a rambling mess.
1) Please don't befriend work friends/ add them on facebook, esp. when you had no desire to know them in the past.
2) Don't drop to your mates that you found me threatening, was only using me etc.
3) Don't go to clubs that you've mocked me for going to, that play music that you hate.
4) Don't present yourself so gacked you can't keep your limbs from shaking, adorned with hickies and BO. I don't want to pity your lifestyle/ want to help you anymore, you belong in the 'Not my problem' pile.
5) Don't come into my work.
6) Don't complain I blocked you on Facebook. It's just a website.
7) Pretty much stay out of Eloiseland. That is all.

Why I couldn't think of saying that at the time, I wish I knew.

2009, be gone with you.

I am leaving self doubt in 2009.
Boys- It's not the rejection of the individual, its the doubt they place in yourself.
Am I not interesting, skinny, docile, etc. It's just like getting rejected from a job. You might not have really wanted the job, it was a bit far away, not enough money,
but hey, fuck you, I could have done an amazing job of it. Maybe.

So this self doubt needs to go away. When I doubt myself it all just crumbles down.
So I need a plan to get me the opposite of doubt.
Self believe?
Hearing people say you're talented you're this etc only helps somewhat.
This year I have doubted myself more than ever.
Socially retarded, incompetent, lazy, untalented, unemployable, not girlfriend material, bad daughter/friend/employee/ group member, what ever.
Does this matter? No.
Lets leave this self doubt in 2009.

2009- Friendships Defined.

So 2009 has been a pretty average year.
And I am one of many that has felt that way.
I've been down, and sailed some rough seas.
But to draw out the positives, I've has some company to battle those seas.
To those that listened to my whinging this year, I thank you.
I truly believe that you're nothing if no-one cares about you, you guys make me feel like someone
.

Rough Seas Ahead

I’m calling all my oldest friends,
Saying sorry for this mess we’re in.
And I’m waiting, waiting,
For the sun to come and melt this snow,
Wash away the pain and give me back control, control.

Winter- Bayside.
Although I declared the winter of my discontent to be over, rough seas are forecast ahead. So I need to call my friends and explain this mess I'm in. eloiseland isn't so sunny right now, come in, plant some flowers in the garden, and I'll be sure to water your plants when you're on holiday. Aka- things aren't 100% right now, please help, but I'll be sure to return the favour.

I haven't yet decided how I am going to deal with My sister being sick again, last time I was 16. Punk rock? Exercise? Hell, I'm even considering religion. I need distraction and support. Time to toughen up.